For some reason, I am struggling right now. I have been for a little while. I know the world at large has as well, but my struggles haven't directly been related to COVID, or politics, or any outside influence. I am having troubles with some internal struggles; being a good wife, a good mother, and excelling at my job.
I have older children, 21, 18 and 12. I have all three living at home right now. I know, that's a little weird, but that's the way it is. When I say I am struggling, it mostly has to do with raising bigger children....the bigger the kid, the bigger the problem. I feel I am entering a time of life which I feel unequipped. Perhaps others know how I feel?
This is the first blog post in a series which I hope to address and connect with others who feel the same as I do. How do I help these humans navigate through the world? How do I help my kids with mental health issues, relationships, financial stuff, etc. How do I not lose myself at the same time?
The first day of school happened last week. It was VERY different from first days in the past.
My oldest is a 4th year education student, and is doing her professional year this year; student teaching at the elementary school she attended. She is 21 and had her 1st day of 2nd Grade this year. She was very overwhelmed and scared that first day. I thank, so much, to all the professionals I know who have helped her already this year. Teaching is the ultimate sacrifice in a way...I am always an ear for her, but I don't always know how to help her.
My youngest started Middle School. For all those that have had middle schoolers, this is a very difficult time of life. I worry for him, worry for his teachers, and cross my fingers that all I have taught him about being his own person, will prevail. So far, so good. I did feel the need to take the day off so that I could take him to school and be home when he got home. I will never regret doing so. He chatted my ear off.
My middle is taking a gap year. He graduated from High School in May and wants to work and to pursue acting as his career. I have absolutely no idea how to help him...something I am really struggling with. Since I had taken that first day of school off; I visited him at his barista job and he made me a wonderful cup of coffee. I will be there to help him as much as I can.
I know so many other mothers struggling with taking their kids to college and all the feelings that brings. Being a mother to older children brings us to a level of parenting that I don't feel particularly feel prepared for. How can I properly prepare my adult children for life, when I am not ready myself for real life??
I struggle so much with the work/life balance as well. Sometimes I wish I could half myself...one half for work, one half for home and neither would meet (Has anyone watched Serverance?). I love my life, but sometimes feel I cannot give all attention to what I need to, all the time. I wish I could turn off my work self to focus on home self, and vice versa, but I cannot.
Anyway, I am happy. I wouldn't change a thing about my life. But it is imperfect and I hope that through this blog and friendships along the way, I will be better equipped to "happily struggle" and help others as well.
P.S. The picture above is of some flowers I bought at Costco to make myself feel better. I advise you all do the same.