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  • christymilks

HAPPILY STRUGGLING......THROUGH LIFE


For some reason, I am struggling right now. I have been for a little while. I know the world at large has as well, but my struggles haven't directly been related to COVID, or politics, or any outside influence. I am having troubles with some internal struggles; being a good wife, a good mother, and excelling at my job.


I have older children, 21, 18 and 12. I have all three living at home right now. I know, that's a little weird, but that's the way it is. When I say I am struggling, it mostly has to do with raising bigger children....the bigger the kid, the bigger the problem. I feel I am entering a time of life which I feel unequipped. Perhaps others know how I feel?


This is the first blog post in a series which I hope to address and connect with others who feel the same as I do. How do I help these humans navigate through the world? How do I help my kids with mental health issues, relationships, financial stuff, etc. How do I not lose myself at the same time?


The first day of school happened last week. It was VERY different from first days in the past.


My oldest is a 4th year education student, and is doing her professional year this year; student teaching at the elementary school she attended. She is 21 and had her 1st day of 2nd Grade this year. She was very overwhelmed and scared that first day. I thank, so much, to all the professionals I know who have helped her already this year. Teaching is the ultimate sacrifice in a way...I am always an ear for her, but I don't always know how to help her.


My youngest started Middle School. For all those that have had middle schoolers, this is a very difficult time of life. I worry for him, worry for his teachers, and cross my fingers that all I have taught him about being his own person, will prevail. So far, so good. I did feel the need to take the day off so that I could take him to school and be home when he got home. I will never regret doing so. He chatted my ear off.


My middle is taking a gap year. He graduated from High School in May and wants to work and to pursue acting as his career. I have absolutely no idea how to help him...something I am really struggling with. Since I had taken that first day of school off; I visited him at his barista job and he made me a wonderful cup of coffee. I will be there to help him as much as I can.


I know so many other mothers struggling with taking their kids to college and all the feelings that brings. Being a mother to older children brings us to a level of parenting that I don't feel particularly feel prepared for. How can I properly prepare my adult children for life, when I am not ready myself for real life??


I struggle so much with the work/life balance as well. Sometimes I wish I could half myself...one half for work, one half for home and neither would meet (Has anyone watched Serverance?). I love my life, but sometimes feel I cannot give all attention to what I need to, all the time. I wish I could turn off my work self to focus on home self, and vice versa, but I cannot.


Anyway, I am happy. I wouldn't change a thing about my life. But it is imperfect and I hope that through this blog and friendships along the way, I will be better equipped to "happily struggle" and help others as well.


P.S. The picture above is of some flowers I bought at Costco to make myself feel better. I advise you all do the same.






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gwen.morton
Aug 30, 2022

A couple of times you say "I don't know how to help [him/her]." I think this is parenting older teen and adult children in a nutshell. We are forced to look on as they navigate life and make their own mistakes. I think it means you have done everything right to get them to this point.

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knana0408
Aug 29, 2022

My thoughts: I think longer, younger, faster lives has created baffled, anxious midlifers.

Our societal narrative on aging isn’t doing us any favors. We stumble into midlife, have a crisis, and—on the other side of that—can look forward to decrepitude and death. It’s no wonder that we don’t look at the transition from adulthood to elderhood in the same anticipatory way we do childhood to adulthood.

And I think this “crisis” is now a marathon. Midlife crises are affecting more people than ever. Longer, younger, faster has created baffled, anxious midlifers. It’s no wonder that we don’t look at the transition from adulthood to elderhood in the same anticipatory way we do childhood to adulthood.

And this “crisis” is now…


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