This month has been a bit of struggle for me....I've had the highest of highs and some sad lows.
This weekend has been an evaluation of how I want to be. I think I want to be the type of person who has it all together. I'm not talking huge things. I want to be the type of person who has the Kurig water filled the night before so that no coffee making is interrupted in the morning. I want to be the person who has a spotless kitchen after dinner. I want to do the laundry from start to finish...like, fold it right when it is dry and put it where it belongs.
I don't do any of those things, really.
I feel like, maybe, if I did, I would have more control over my life. Because, I don't feel like I have any control at all.
This month was A LOT. My daughter graduated from college, my son started culinary school and is staring in a play and my youngest finished 7th grade with a bang. We took a HUGE vacation to Disney. All amazing things! It was shaping up to be an incredible trip when things got cut short because our dog, just a puppy really, decided to jump our fence and run away. We haven't seen or heard about him since.
This month was a good lesson in realizing that there really is no control when it comes to the life we live. Good things happen and with them, so do the bad.
Juxtaposition - the fact of two things being seen or placed close together with contrasting effect.
How can I be so elated and sad at the same time?
I struggle so much with this concept. I struggle with these deep emotions, especially good and bad congruently. I feel like if I was a better person, I would be able to control this and not have this happen.
I did, already, fill the Kurig water tank for tomorrow. Does that little bit of control over my morning tomorrow mean I will be able to control the day? Nope. What can make me feel better though is to kiss my daughter, hug my sons and hope they know that they can look to me be a rock even though I can not control anything.
Hopefully I can teach them that the good things always outweigh the bad, especially when you have love in your life. Control is just an illusion.